Monday, April 20, 2015

The Depression and The Revival

Never have I been so depressed. Maybe that's because I don't dwell on my dead past or maybe I just ignore it. But the past few days have been different for me. I finally decided to break the lonely little box I've been in for too long and even better I finally met the right person to break it open to. I trust this person beyond what I have ever thought of. I don't know why. Am I making the sad little human within me to burst into a  mutiny with myself?

The sad part is, I realize all the difficulties I've crossed on the way and all the sacrifices I had to make In order for me to reach here. And all this while, I just thought that I was lucky enough to make the cut. Well, that's not the thing I'm depressed about. I always tend to think a mile ahead of myself, though I claim to act at the moment.

But the thing I'm depressed about is the new involvement in my personal life by someone I never expected to be. To people who know me, I've always been a tough nut to crack. In fact I never crack. But this person made me do it. I had to do it at some point I guess. But I never expected the person to be so .... Me...

My worst fear is, if all these are happening due to the literary transformation I'm into or am I just saying it out loud because I trust this person. I hope it's the latter. When I do lose this person, it's really going to be tough. I could sense it.

Either way, I feel a bit of my bad times dissolve into the thin air making me weigh lighter. I'm just glad that there is someone who hears me out loud without judging me for what I was. If that person ever comes across this, I just have this to say. "I'm glad"

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Burying The Mask

There is always this person you care for besides you, strictly not blood. They just bring out the best in you and never seize to surprise you at times. You just somehow feel free to remove the mask with them and talk about your fears and mistakes. You find it convincing that despite the dirt you walk with, they will accept you for who you really are.

I've had many an occurances relating to that person. But I make sure that I stay clear of whatever comes through next and keep my emotions out of it. I feel vulnerable and tend to leave those characters behind me. Not this time though. The person I'm in bed with emotionally isn't like the rest. I always used to be the one with holding aces in the previous encounters but I really feel diminished this time.

I don't feel a cuff or a leish being here but yet I'm dragged to a new place. Something within me is changing. I just want the mask on so badly before I drop down naked. They say faith is two way road and I've always driven it the right way. I never let anyone in without knowing them first. Though this new mystery breaks down in front of me with everything it has, I don't feel like the distances covered have done justice.

This is something new and dangerous. It's exciting and heartwarming. The end may be treacherous, but I do want to go through it.